life IS cruel

Recognising XF86 for the bitch that it is!
AARGHL HOW I HATE WRITING THAT CONFIG FILE
Its such a BITCH
A Hatefull waste of time
& thinking that I have an operative version of the file on my regular box
Bweurgh

Facts in Love & Life..
I'm truely starting to doubt that I'll be able to dedicate myself to someone..
bweuh

omg.. Agony
Hmm.. coffie for my Blistered soul!!
I'm sick.. :/ Simply the flu but still..

Im doing my new Linux.. A gentoo & am now at the stage where I install a SHITLOAD of software (part one).. The next 24h will be filled with compiling & downloading.. yay
My former linux is broken.. One of my disks crashed and now its cripple. It was the disk with my /var, /tmp and swap on.. The tmp & swap pose no problem, but the /var missing is a BITCH!
Luckely it happened just now when I'm changing to Gentoo.. Otherwise there d be a whole lot of cursing right now :D
Ofcourse Id rather have my Slack box fully working during the transition period.. Im not changing my home disk till everythings ok anyhow..

Its annoying not being able to relate all the wierd stuff hapening to my dad.. Its agonising. We understood and had the same & right background.. Now that he s gone im left alone with all that. Now when wierd shite / funny shite happens (several times during my install today) I'm laughin here all alone.. One of the many moments where it kicks in :/

The worst form of torture is self chosen.. Really.. Its amazing what a person can put himself trough.. I'm deciding to stop putting myself trough it all.. Ofcourse, its normal I didnt decide this before, since every form needs its time.. Anywho, Im only trading it for another kind.. pf

I had a dark moment yesterday..
I have lots of dark moments to come..
Havent we all :)
pf

Had an interesting chat with a friend some days ago.. His words gave me hope altough they went against all I had concluded.. I dont really believe he made the right diagnose..

Spoke to Anne today.. Interesting! It helped my mood. Im actually immensely happy we talked! .. she s the person I can relate to most right now.. Because I know she knows the feeling and because I shared some of her feeling back when the trees were younger. Im really glad we talked

Sometimes I feel like telling people to go kill themselves.. This feeling is not new to me tough I had left it behind me.. Now that i'm older I understand the reasons better.. But understanding doesnt help the fact that I want to scream it in their ears as if that ll get it to their brain better

Dark Moods

I do think blogging helps
tough I hope in a way no one reads this.. The annonimity of Internet.. or is it :)

Hmm.. Emerging in two terminals.. why not. I'm installing tinycobol to my box.. I hope it proves a good Cobol compiler - Yeah, going retro @ school :D I hope the compiler proves OK.. Further installs (emacs & ..) will have to wait :)

How hatefull it is to wake up to your own soap

And now I'm off bloggin..
sayonara

Aliens was once again POWERFULL :)
Tough I think Giger could have done cooler stuff with the mother alien..

My body hurts from the festival.. Painfull
Tough it reminds you you're alive :)

No cobol for me tomorrow, I'll learn it from here..
& install my Gentoo with Coboll interpreter

I'm going to think about a small variation on Alanis Morisette's "21 things I want in a lover"

Original Text..
do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
do you have a big intellectual capacity
but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
do you see everything as an illusion?
but enjoy it even though you are not of it?
are you both masculine and feminine?
politically aware?
and don't believe in capital punishment?
these are 21 things that I want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
do you derive joy from diving in and seeing
that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
are you funny? à la self-deprecating?
like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

these are 21 things that I want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
these are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
there are no worries and certainly no pressure
in the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

are you uninhibited in bed?
more than three times a week?
up for being experimental?
are you athletic?
are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
are you not addicted?

...curious and communicative...

Im not sure yet how many things mine ll have but It ll be a List..
hehe
or maybe I wont - whatever

Im only now fully begining to appreciate Alanis Morisette's song "Ironic"
Sometimes life really is

Im starting to miss my Gaim Blogger plugin!
Loading & posting times sometimes on the blogger site :s

I finished "Tower of Doom", the Ravenloft novel I was reading & have now started "Mordenheim".. Another Ravenloft novel :D

Rock Ternat..
Yesterday was Festival day :) Didnt start off so well by missing Caliban & Flip Kowlier (the first because they were only added to the line up the same day..) What I DID see..

Orichas - Only shortly.. ok tough slightly dissapointing
God Forbid - EVIL! Gotta get me some of 'em cds :D
Dead Kenedys - Old geezers with NICE soundz (& a funny pitt)
Machine head - Evil! Great pitt & all.. If only John hadnt CHICKEDED OUT (Wanker)
Kosheen - Great as ever, Dance the night away
2 Many DJs - Crap.. Bad DJing & partly also bad speakers
Starsky & Tonic - Crap.. Bad DJing & partly also bad speakers (We didnt even finish this)

A very succesfull festival day :)
I am hurting everywhere tough :/
Funny thing - yesterday evening was the first time Everyone we drove home with felt tired.. LOL!

Had some other funny moments too.. David came to ask me if I fancied his girl & stuff like that :) Cute! Tough he shouldnt worry & I just hope he doesnt!!!


In a way.. I'm feeling very .. right now. ".." because I just cant find the right word for it & certainly not in english (They just all miss part of the message) - Anypoop, its all but a nice feeling :( But Ive known it before & I'll know it again so I'll cope with it :D

& now time for food & ....

I got WONDERFULL news just hours ago.. Several seperate things actually :)
One of them being a pic of the lovely Hannah Odessa :) Ashes' new born girl. She s beautifull :) That also means the birth & all went well, wich is SO cool :) I worried about em :s a lot! I didnt even tell about my dad yet :s I didnt want to upset ashes in any way so close to The Day!

Feelings.. Right now I feel..
Dissapointed
Relieved
Concerned
Happy
Envious
Woried

So very Alive!

Im off to bed! Early noon tomorrow :(

amazing

I guess deep down inside I really am very sensitive a person
but due to society I have a cozy shell, cushoning it all & protecting it all from society!

tough the real happyness can only be found trough the TRUE form
:s

What a revelations tonight..
It was brooding but didnt really come out till after the ride home

amazing

I sometimes say.. "As crazy as I am"
well, tonight I found out what I mean by that
& that it actually DOES exist

peace of mind is beatiful

I had a LOVELY night
I'd never expected it but still.. Lovely!
Tnx to David & Vi..

.. I had a wierd insight..
Its been long ago since I last had a Really active happy feeling :)
most ppl just cant cope with that but tonight in seeing the feeling, it sparked again..
amazing that I lost that.. Amazing & bothersome

Lets try to remedy this :)

& now a short nights sleep

Ah yes..
blogger is slow sometimes.. making me not wanting to wait ergo not posting

School is ok

Private life is nice too tough I am bracing my feelings
I have a zero tollerance mood at some points

& I HEAVILLY need a shower!

Later on RoD & getting those Rock Ternat tickets to Vi..

ah & school work too
& movie time :D

Ah yes..
blogger is slow sometimes.. making me not wanting to wait ergo not posting

School is ok

Private life is nice too tough I am bracing my feelings
I have a zero tollerance mood at some points

& I HEAVILLY need a shower!

Later on RoD & getting those Rock Ternat tickets to Vi..

ah & school work too
& movie time :D

My fate in humanity has been restored
I met an Evil girl this weekend :) They do still exist! (except the ones I know, you know who you are :D) Really nice person! Saw her again this evening @ the afterlife, we had fun

I saw the "Set-Up" @ ternat today..
Nice place!

Im so done for :/ School @ 10.30 ? I dont think so!
& I really SHOULD!!

Sleep!

im having troubles updating my template :s
anywho, its altered with the new links

Im really starting to miss Dirk
ANNOYING!

The life was Awsome
The people were great & I had an overall Good time!
Met some nice people too.. A girl with a mind for piercings amongst others..
Nice
Had some interesting experiences too :s :D
Im looking forward to the next life!

Updating some iPod

Im out of the JH.. kinda.. The departure didnt really go as I had wanted but its ok.. The result is the same! Tough this unforseen way is in a way a consequence of my dad dying

I parked my car in his spot today.. Uncanning.. Really wierd! Kinda permanent & stuff! It will be good for my car tough.. I have some work to do on it & well.. Its probably gonna happen sooner this way

I saw Rebecca today.. Nice talking to her again!

Im so Tired :/
I slept 4hrs today & .. well.. lets just say the 8 hrs ive got comming will do me some Serious GOOD

I talked to Les on the internet today.. Seems she s gonna be in a TV program next week.. GOTTA tape it :)

And now for some other work & SLEEEEEP

Testament..
This weekend was a Life weekend.. And I had FUN :)
We went with 14 Ring of Doom ppl & .. Evilness!

More later

Sleep now :)

Testament..
This weekend was a Life weekend.. And I had FUN :)
We went with 14 Ring of Doom ppl & .. Evilness!

More later

Sleep now :)

Testament..
This weekend was a Life weekend.. And I had FUN :)
We went with 14 Ring of Doom ppl & .. Evilness!

More later

Sleep now :)

Testament..
This weekend was a Life weekend.. And I had FUN :)
We went with 14 Ring of Doom ppl & .. Evilness!

More later

Sleep now :)