AARGH
Because I was writing this load of crap I missed her on MSN!
now I AM going to call her :)

YAY

And so I had a difficult moment just now..

the whole leaving home thing flashing trough my head..
But after a difficult 10 minutes of rethinking the reasons and above all the concequences, now would indeed not be the time to do that..
And again the bitter knowlege that if my dad were still alive it would be possible - and probably better!


But now .. Its all about money and correctness..


Anywho, I'm happy that I was able to bite down the whole malaise, go to my mom and say the words needed for her to feel happy for the night.
And while thinking over that whole deal I had some rich & interesting insights about my mom and the leaving home situation.


Funny I get all this motivation over me again right now :)
just when I had a chat with Vi where I told her that leaving home would be nice but isnt something I'll do right away.. Because of the reasons I had to call to mind only half an hour ago to remind me why I put up with shit like that and dont solve those worries simply by leaving home and thereby getting relief on the part that only worries me and the part that affects both me & my mom.. The last mentioned relief would in part solve certain worries for her too! I think.. But in another way, I dont think solving those would be worth it for her.


.. Being cryptic .. is sometimes needed .. but not fun ..

This did professionally screw up my evening. I should simply go to bed!
AND it only aggrevated my other worries!


..
and yet the solution would be So simple
and worth the effort
..
but not worth of all the concequences :(
..

and so once again I decide on an impasse
where nothing changing appears to be the best solution


..
Maybe we should just cancel our regular phone in total!
I'll think about that..
Its a pitty it aint that simple a thing to do!
But doable.. Maybe..
..
Hmm..
Yes, It might be for the best
..

...
Another reason to leave! :/
pf!


It was fine just untill I stopped hearing Vi's voice :)
I tought about calling her again, but instead I'm here, blogging
I'll see her tomorrow :) About wich I'm once again terribly happy!
I really love her :) *smiles*

Working hard, trying to get STARTED

I feel good

& I love Cypress Hill
Tequilla Sunrise....!

A Quote from Shell

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

What a tought :) Genious!

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952

Great text! Its a filosofy, a way of Life!
There aparently is a lot of confusion about the text tough.. So here s a page wich contains a link to a fully researched history of these great words!


Went to a play with Vi yesterday.. FUN! I finally found someone who ll go to plays with me :) She s such a sweety! And :) We re going for spareribs this evening :D YEAHA! (I only hope they do have veggy stuff too - Ofcourse they will, but still.. - not for me, btw :D Meat Baby!) And all this on the occasion of Anne-Leen's BDay :)

Now for some pre eat food (tough its an all you can eat thingy, but still.. I havent really eaten a lot today!)

Ooh & someone handed me a nice commic.. The drawings arent all that (sprites??) but the noir story is EVIL :) & its in the very tasty warhammer setting! Dwarf Lover

I love my girlfriend!

wanting to
but yet resisting
..

doubt..
I have doubt in trusting someone.. when someone alledgedly does something that doesnt fit within the set boundries..
Then the boundries and the trust have to be reset to match that persons behavior..
Pitty, but good!


on lighter news..
I had fun phone calls this night..
Someone got some news and now he s .. angry - Maybe even hurt but since he can barely give his anger an outlet.. Anywho, the calls this night were .. incoherent and didnt really ammend to something.. Anger has many faces.. Tonight I heard a saddening face.. When anger flirts with agression, I can only feel sad!
But again, Time will tell its tale :)
I only hope it doesnt always have to be told at between 3 and 6 in the morning!


On happy news :)
I got a nice email from Vi & I'm looking forward to hearing her, but even more seeing her soon!! I only hope I dont go mad with curiosity :D In vain coz I've ALREADY gone mad with curiosity :D
She s such a sweety!!


Its a pitty people sometimes have to adress the negative sides in life too..


And..
AARHL I CANT GET MY iPod MOUNTED.. - wierdly enough
I'm running a new kernel now.. 2.6.9-R9 (Gentoo Dev Kernel)
But I should really pick 2 days to work on my box - non stop - so I can get it all sorted out! The list of shit I need to do to get it working as I want it is Sickening :/


I'm looking forward to tomorrow night & friday night! As opposed to this evening :/
ah well..


Ooh & also to an invite I got for the end of the year, during vacation! fun :)


Time for paper!
(and so far another highly incoherent blogger post)

I had a fun evening..
I helped Belle with her wireless home network.. Interesting
some much needed security so that not any wandering nitwit would be able to surf their internet

I missed my phone moment tough :( But I sloved it trough The Miracle Of EMail :)
yaay!
I dont know how I'll make it trough wednesday.. I just hope it ll be thursday evening soon!!

Monday evening was So Nice :)

Im recompiling my kernell so that I'll be able to mount my iPod :) And in the mean while adding some loop device support & other crap I need.. I actually removed some idle crap too!

Tomorrow I need to study! Really! Tomorrow and every day after!!
Certainly now that I've got my three kgs of books!!

My back felt better trough the day but now Ive gotta stop pushing my luck, so Sleeepy time
:)


-_-

Test My . Net - Tested & ok (within boundrys expected from a net test)

inetbench - untested

Hmmm
Chocolate mouse + Banana :D

My back is being shite!

I hope to start on my learning tomorow
Altough I have a work appointment later tomorow night :S
So I'll probably wont be able to start unless I skip math or a miracle happens, waking me up around noon instead of .. LATER :/

I'm off to bed
Ready for sweet dreams :)
..
*Smooch to the girl that deserves it!* (MY GRIRL :D)
^_^

My lovely girlfriend :)
Had a wonderfull evening this evening
watched Exp Rob, Pulp Fiction, Cheers and a sleeping beauty :)
I'm Happy :)

150 euro buys 3 kg of computer books! My poor back!

I need to have a pee!

Yay! 150 euros books..
Nothing interesting
school stuff

But YAY
I got 'em!
I didnt think they d be available, so YAY

(more later, first food)

happy happy :)
Had a nice day today!
dreamish :)

My iTrip has the frequency problem.. My province has frequencies, other provinces have other frequencies, guess its the point to find the one that doesnt have any other station anywhere :/

Im having a wierd moment.. :)
The world crashing down on me in a way..
Clumzy & all..
wierd

Had some food, it was nice

I'm gonna get me some books tomorrow afternoon, school books, long overdue :/ :s I look forward to learning in at least one of them.. Really curious about it - could be Mighty interesting!!

Tomorrow evening :) The last Robbinson (Surviver) of this year.. I'm going to watch it at Vi's place.. Might be a bit wierd, but on the other hand, YAY, Robbinson! :D

hmm Vi :)
*kiss!*

and now i'm off to bed before other wierd crap starts happening :)

Im so sleepy :s
bye bye comp for the day!!

*dreaming about my lady*

ooh & also
I saw the whole Indiana Jones trilogy this month (Viva DVD - tough I have to admit Id have to see them again coz I kinda missed parts :/) and I just discovered that they re planning on a fourth.. Indiana Jones 4 (2006) I hope it ll be worth the name :/ Good news already about the cast.. "Credited cast: Harrison Ford .... Indiana Jones" So YAY we ll have the Indy everyone s used to :) (they can still screw up a whole load tough :/)

Asfor the other three.. I think I prefer the first..

I stumbled upon the indy4 thingy while checking if the credited Michael Moore is the Michael Moore from Fahrenheit 9/11 but he isnt.. He s Michael D. Moore the "Second Unit Director or Assistant Director" and "Actor" and "Director" and "Producer" of many good movies we all know and love :)

Damn, Gotta love IMDB

As some may have noticed, I've grown an addiction

Vi..
The greatest Highs possible :) An Experience to repeat .. over & over & over again :)
When i'm outa vi, I have to admit I'm not all that concentrated & stuff.. mind keeps wandering off & so on :/ But its worth it..
Lol


My plans for presents for dirkie are spoiled! aarghl
Ppl dont always seem to get that if I say that time and no later doesnt mean they can give it nearly 10 hours later !! :/
So I'll have to go tomorrow afternoon requiring me to change my RPG plans & ..
But there s always an up side :D

watched The Forgotten recently with Stitchy.. Dissapointing movie!
Im itching to see the Incredibles tough :D

2 hrs o math today.. the only two hours I needed to attend today - & one of the two teachers cancels :/ Wich was good in a way coz I was litterally falling asleep! Interesting lesson tough :/

I also learned that I have 2 exams in one day.. Math in the afternoon and Database shite in the morning.. I'd like to arrange a different date for the database one but on the other hand.. I dont want to mess up the teachers whatever by being a pain in the ass.. So I'll go talk to the school person responsible for all that & see if its a problem or not.. If it is I ll just take 'em both the same day!

Looking forward to tomorrow night! Dirkie s party.. and to sleep late all sunday :) Im going to Love sunday!! :) *giggles*

My Ipod is comming in handy these days.. Certainly with the iTrip I got.. Its a fun toy :D I only need to reconfigure it a lil.. one of these days :)

Yesterday evening was evil too
With John & all..

This is probably my most chaotic blogger entry ever!
Whatever :)

Blah

hihi
My blog has become utterly boring (more than usual)

walking on sunshine :D

Wonderful

The feeling when things that feel right become reality
Lovely :)

I'm Happy!