I buried a friend today

I dont like people reading this, so do me a favor.. dont!

The burying is a figure of speech of course.. but this last meeting was some kind of a goodbye to me. Things will never be the same. It was a good thing that will never be the same again. It ll be different. Not worse, mind you.. the time had come for some of us. But the fact of the matter is that the "us" is no longer as it was before.

Its a new era of sorts.

I had dreams & hopes for the "us" that went out of existence today.. people returning, things getting solved. A grand unified thing of ours ;) But thats no longer a possibility. Things have changed & the potential for shit has slightly grown. Those remaining had plans. We settled things, but now the rules have changed & the earlier talks have become obsolete. We need new plans, because some of the things that transpired today were not within the realm of working possibilities.


SO I am sad. This was my goodbye to something I really cared about & .. on to the new form. I'm really sad I had to miss what I did because of those exams. That will have been the last time that school screws up my life if all goes well.. and it went out with a BANG! It hurt. Ofcourse my school goals could screw me even more, for the whole year to come, but.. I cant think about that too much. I heard some nice words today, coming from someone I dearly appreciate.. I shouldnt worry so much according to him.. well, I do :/


anywho, I look forward to the new form. but Ill miss the old one.
& Ill miss certain people too.


Carouso says "trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" (walking over a keyboard is so much fun.. apparently..)
Anywho, I have some problems to solve & then Im off to bed.. Im beat! & I have some heavy days in front of me..


today I realize that too many people know of this blog, partly defying its purpose. I cant put all the names in here, because they re just too personal.. I'll have to address this problem soon. But not until I know for sure which track my life will be on for the next 12 months! There s so many things that depend on that track. I look forward to finally relaxing! Its really time for me to finally Relax. The battle has been fought, I don't think I can take another year of it. I will if I have to! But .. im tired! I need some rest. & I deserve some rest. I didn't give up, and god only knows I've had my reasons!


& now ive interwoven so much different topics even I wont know whats who n all.
that doesn't matter. This is a blog for writing, not for reading.