omg.. AGAIN I am confronted with wierd american toughts..
Each vote for Kerry puts the U.N. that much closer to running our country. Do you want France or Russia to dictate our foreign policy?
I would like the world to be considered ONE nation, ONE planet instead of how much different countries! And still there are ppl saying & thinking Shite like that?? DAMN Incredible

The quote came out of the loads of hatemail sent to a woman who put the back of her head up on EBay to have ppl bid to pay her to have an anti bush tattoo on the back of her head.. Sounds a wierd and commercial thing to do, but I must say, she explains it trough her beliefs & .. yeah, i can respect her way of expressing it!
The afore mentioned comment is btw marked as being a negative comment (she doesnt agree with it)
Check the link :)

All & all a good article! The political note is a bit wierd at some time tough, but its ok.. I like the expression.. & I like the message :D lol (yeah, what can I say.. the fucker - Bush - is well capable of bombing any country in the world without any apparant reason, People like that ruling a big part of the world like America is just plain dangerous! A liability!)

Ah & for ppl reading this with Graphic skillz.. She s interested in cover up designs in case Bush loses.. so as she said.. Print it & start doodling on it :D Again, Click the link!!
& to all americans reading this.. GO VOTE! Its your RIGHT - dont let any reason take that RIGHT from you!


Ooh & I read that Shell is indeed a woman (not a girl anymore, so it seems.. - unless you still consider yerself a girl in wich case pls DO comment.. We re only as old as we are in our minds :D), 29yrs old with a 7yr old child :)

Went to Gent for my school thing to get some papers
had some fun @ chocolate bar & stuff
showered
Listening to the new Joe Cocker album (my mom bought)
Reading Akira part 2, the dutch version
finished Gunnm: the last order part 4 (Niiiiiiiiceeee!)
just ate some pasta
sleepy time

I should really update my template tough :/
I need to add the blog I created earlier
& desperately need to add the shellibells blog.. She seems such a nice girl/woman.. Read it :D

Wont be online the next couple o days.. School Breakin Party @ Johns tomorrow, Life this weekend.. Gonna be SO TIRED on Sunday :/

school was quite fun
Dorm Daze is a COOL movie
I finished my lates Ravenloft (The Enemy Within) Great Book!! Thrilling read!
Im starting on Gunnm: The last order
I hear Kirill 's latest cd today (at least 3x), Its AMAZING (get it!!! NOW! HERE!!!
updated my Ipod some
had a nice (& long) phone call with Larissa

Sleep now
& sleep late tomorow!!

so.. @ school.. I cant get Combi (meaning doing 2 yrs together) bc I failed for a total weight of 16 & the max for cummul is 15.. Asin BITCH :/
But I can do a Freaky heavy IAJ & to be honest its quite a relief since that ll buy me more space any way.. So IAJ here I come :)
I'm already feeling more optimistic again

I'm tired now tough.. I couldnt sleep till after 3, had to be up at 7 (leave home at 7.15, so..) and .. well it hurt :) So I slept for 2 hrs (hurting all over), then watched Robinson (I think its called Survivor in English speaking countries) and called some with Stitch for advice on my IAJ

And now, i'm off to bed, for an exhilliarating day tomorow (or whatever) The brighter side is that I dont have to be in lessons before 12.30, meaning I wont go to gent before 11 or what, anywho, I can sleep some more :) yay

The last weeks I have had the comfort of sleep.. I only NEED 3hrs a night to function 100% but I really enjoy 12 hrs :) hehehe

Oh & I got Gunnm: The last order 4 :D I'm SOOOO Curious
But I think I'll finish my Ravenloft book first.. Patience :D Wont be that hard tough since its a REALLY Interesting read!!

Im still really happy bout my iPod btw :D

Pf
having a bweuh period
I feel I should help @ the JH but when it comes to it I feel more like sleeping or possibly doing other stuff than.. Actually I dont really feel like doing anything..
And we all know what that means :s

Im worrying about school & shite too
pf

Do I want to quit school because I feel bweuh or do I feel bweuh because I havent quit school yet..
I think the first option but I kinda believe the later..

Livin la vida
one day at the time

I have my school stuff.. PAIN :/

Ok, so I made a mistake :)
The link posted below is Sarah's Fishermans Friend picture..
My last dev (stitch aproved by now) is Defining Reality - Eyes! I eddited it quite some times before I was happy with it, but this is it! The original can still be found amongst my Scraps

depressing period
My mood is down the drain

Watchin "Home on the Range"
even thats depressing
tough it has Mighty Funny Moments Yall Hafta Recon :D
The fact that they keep the dialogues the same every movie & the main setting & .. is getting quite bothering tough :/ The only thing that they change is the FUCKIN THEME! The Theme Music btw, isnt all that memorable either
The scheme has something funny & cunning (lol) tough.. Amazingly enough..

I did a deviation.. Check it out here! I donty know If I'll keep it on tough since Stitchy hasnt seen it yet & since its his eyes..

I wanted to take a long hot shower.. It d have done GOOOD but when I was finally ready to go, the family was about to go to sleep.

I hope tomorow ll be fun @ Gent :/
Dont know what transport I'll use tough..

Funny site passed on to me by John.. This is the output (translated from THIS VERY BLOG!!!)
..
Ok, got y all worked up for nothing.. it doesnt output Anything & hey, look, I dont feel like trying again. Anywho, the output I saw generated when the url was passed on to me was quite hillarious

On other news..
The Bourne Supremacy is NICE :)
Im getting myself some FREE posters from Vespasius.. You know, the toilet poster ppl :)

& I might me falling apart.. I think :/
I need some time on my own
but its not likely I'm getting it any time soon since my family needs their grief process too.. & pitty for anti social me, theirs is quite social.. And ofcourse, I'm only anti social when it comes to my own problems.. When it comes to anything else (like helping others) I'm social as hell & ... But this time its just too hard to manage, too hard to stay sane!

I want to go to bed early today..
A failed effort ofcourse, but still.. I 'm trying

Mage was Nice
We all had fun..
And the scenario didnt get into to way (:s)

Sleep now!

Emotional Chess

The game one has to win to be able to talk with a person about his problems / feelings / emotions
Some ppl are better players than others, in both roles

I need to get outa here
I'm silently going insane
My mom thinks I should stay in out of respect
I've been staying in out of respect to her all week long
I AM going insane
this is really bad for my mood & what not

I cant do anything, I dont have any privacy
I wanna do something and be able to be alone doing something if needed

maddening

we read the cards.. Im glad its over.. Liquid Agony!


I HATE being forced into Other peoples ways of mourning! Wich is exactly what I've been going trough the whole last week. No space whatsoever for my own process..

So far the funeral
I'm glad its over
I was really happy & sometimes surprised at all my friends that came! Altough the last person to enter was the bigest suprise of all! I hadnt expected Dorien to be there but I'll probably be happy for the comming days just because of it :)

I'll write something about all that later on

Omg!
I just read a BME article.. (check link) A follow up on Todd Bertrang being put to jail..

The American Justice System is an OUTRAGE!
Justice like that propagates the conformity that drives people to all want to look alike to the extremety of cosmetic surgery. (Conformity vs "body mods" but pro cosmetic surgery.. Isnt that a body mod too??)

The things they do, tricks they do to put and keep a man in jail!! Outrageous! Even to the extent of child porn allegations. Allegations a person has to prove himself innocent of. Whatever happened to innocent untill proven different??
"Guilty until proven Innocent" Justice you say?

DAMN I LIKE EUROPE!

Sow

The funeral is in some hours.. yay
Washed my dreadz for the ocasion

ROD meeting was nice.. Nice mood
short visit to Nega..
My social skilz werent all that.. I just wasnt up to the bullshit. I just wasnt there, I didnt feel like it..

Talking to dirkie about the JH..

& Sleep now

I finally had the courage of informing some online ppl, like my class (board) and the WFRP guys (EMail)

Been getting loads of smses from unexpected ppl.. I'm glad my cell had this 60 something messages memory! Nice tough to hear from them!

My mom found my black *replace by correct word for nice shirt like thingy with buttons in te front middle, all way down* in the winter clothing (She put it there accidently) So I dont need to go shopping for one :) YAY

My friends are dumb.. They think I'm listening but instead I'm blogging.. They re telling me song names & crap.. The only way I ever hear a word is when Stitch pokes me.. Or when he goes German "Du bist was du ist".. Yeaha

Stitch just read this.. They re all poking me now :s
braindead I fear :s

Sleepy time
We played Bo*poke*mberman earlier.. was amusing!
Warcraft 3 failed tough :/
Movie too

Stitch doesnt know the difference between a normal & a cross link cable
& Dirkie is talking about penetratin cool chicks in informatica

Du riechst so gut
I dont think they understand much what I'm typing
they dont really say mu*poke*ch

Dirkie says Penetration and Fit Blieben
Stitch says Schwanz Blazen
Kneth isnt very talkative.. I think he s doing it all :s

Sleep

Funeral of my Dad
This Saturday @ 11.15
Yall may come along :) :/



My future prospects are .. different with whats happened

I always planned not to stay @ home too long, with my dad & mom around.. To have my own life/place.. So they could have their peace & fun.. On their own.. But now that my dad isnt around anymore, asin alive.. I'll probably stay home longer..

Completely different :S

The worst part is constantly rediscovering my dad is Dead.. I have fun for a while, do some shite (Stitchy was here, fun!) and then one moment, lightning strikes & I remember My Dad Is Dead!

My dad, My father, ..
Incredibly hard

Sleep!

My views on life are about to get a whole lot less interesting (yes, that actually IS possible) since the next weeks I'll be spending my time by bitching about whatever

Mostly about the bad luck my dad had these last days!
There was so much I was doing with him.. Computers, Linux, Drawing, Interhuman Observations, .. I constantly had interesting talks and discussions, in the 30 minutes he drank his koffie before going to bed.. To calm his toughs..
Or when I get home late at night and normally I would find my dad sitting here by the comps, doing something
Those will be the hardest time.. When the others have gone to bed & I'm sitting here, alone.. where normally my dad would still be here.

*cries*

this all is very Surreal!
incredible

The unimaginable has happened..
My dad died this morning..

unbelievable..

had an emotional breakdown today, as expected
I had Rein to help me with it all.. wich I'm very gratefull for! I was down the drain.. Need for affection.. (back to the 14yo)

painfull
I had some interesting conclusions tough

I added a new Blog to my account.. Its called Dgn's Cravings because sometimes an idea hits you but you just dont have the time to act on it.. Well, this is my personal solution to it all

I'll be linkin & templating it soon but thats just too much today.. I need to sleep .. & think :/

Ok, so I dont really feel like bloggin Big..
Rather bloggin SMALL

I had a nice weekend.. Was the Youth House thingy.. we had fun

The homecomming wasnt nearly as nice tough!
My dad had a brain bleeding something. He busted an artery (or something like that) I know the exact thing in Dutch but hey, I ve got better things on my mind than figuring out whats it all called to put it in my blog. Anyhow, its in the speaking part of his brain, he already had surgery for the busted artery and is going to have other surgery soon to make sure it doesnt happen again (he had 2 risky ones, one repaired now) Lets hope this all doesnt end badly :(
Spent the evening talking to my mom (upon arival) and eating some and chatting & calling some friends......
I was quite happy about some ppls reactions, except for one who didnt really seem interested.. Other priorities.. why the fuck not..

Watched some futurama.. The addiction is heavy tough.. I feel like spendin the night with 'em :)
Gotta get some sleep tough.. I'm really tired :/ & I have to get up at 11.30 to visit my dad at the hospital at 1..

Somewhere I might confess to myself that I dont like the idea of going to bed coz I'll have to face some demons there :( In a way, I'm having the scare of my life.. And the bad thing about it is that I cant just relativate it all in saying that in the end, all ll be well again because I'm just slightly too smart to not realise that just isnt true. An interesting yet unwelcome feeling.. On the other hand, isnt it always like that :/

I need to Wake the Fuck up & Smell the Adrenaline
coz I'm not at all productive & its ANNOYING me IMMENSLY
Aarghl

& now.. Sleepah :/

I'm glad that its Ravenloft tomorrow tough

I have NO clue WhatSoEver what causes it (looked at it the full 5secs.. It was very hard to keep my mind on it that long - yeah)

I'll look at it later

I just discovered my blogger template is pooped.. The low part doesnt look ok - too much FFin space down below :/ Annoying

I got a letter from Ashes today :D :D :D
YAY
It had nice postcards with explenations
NICE pictures of her house & ..
& a REALLY nice picture of HERSELF :)
She Rules! & looks Great :)
I 'm looking forward to her baby pics :) & the Budha Belly pic :)
I really should work & save up LoadZa money so I can get to PA!!!

Might be next year we go on vacation in America (family thing) and there would only be One state in between PA & .. eeehrm .. North Carolina.. Yay :D would be between Charlotte & Monroe.. The wrong side of.. but whatever.. I'm SO stealin a car to get to her (or renting or whatever.. I'll be 23 then, cant pose Any problem.. hehe.. ROADTRIP!)

I took an Evil test today..

How evil are you?
Yeah! As I always suspected :D hehehe
I tried to get the other side (Angelic) to know if it was possible and Yeah.. I seem to be Honestly Evil :D Yeah

Futurama = cool

Finished the last Ravenloft book I had here
Bought the first Akira (dutch version - yay) of five.. And all together finished it an hour later :) I like it beter then the movie so far.. Really nice!

The book really got me thinking about alternative story telling, asin drawing a city overview & conversation on it.. Its an old trick but I just hadnt tought about it yet

I was in a Fuckin Trafic Jam - Damned - in driving to school - actually took me 15m longer than my worse case scenario and 15m to persuade the school to let me make my exam. Didnt need em tough.. Too Fuckin Difficult Exam! Aaaarghl! HELL
After that I drove to the center o town and had some shoping fun.. Looking around some, .. 2 hours of Calisto solved my reading & chill needs. I saw Larissa in going home.. It was fun

Saw the Expedition Robinson (survivor in english if im not mistakin') I taped yesterday
Looks NICE, Really COOL :)
The mangrove thingy is just IT :D hihi
I really should participate one day

SNOWBOARD :D
As I told before, I might have an American snowboard brought here and guess What
I Fuckin Managed to choose a certain board & producer from FRANCE!
AARGHL
I really like the Hammer Contact 159

Or the Hammer Contact 162 - probably this one since.. well - a know.. thats about the size I need :D lol (being 1.80 and blah blah - whatever)

GOTTA LOVE THAT BOARD :D YAAY - GOTTA love the Blue :)
With ofcourse Flow bindz :D

And now.. Its about Sleepy time - YEAH
I'm agonisingly tired :(

I had an interesting idea today..

A new way to explain the concept of roleplay to someone alien to it. New means ofcourse new to me :)
The idea came to me when I tought of White Wolf's way of refering to it.. They call it storytelling. I imagined how this might lead the unknowing person to say "ok, tell me a story then".. THE answer to such a question would be that I tell interactive stories.. Stories where I need people to participate and fill the roll of a certain character in for me.
Thus came the idea of explaining roleplay as being an interactive story, told by the DM or Storyteller
So next time when people ask what this roleplay thing is, I'll say, Its all about telling a story! I tell people a story & they participate by filling in some parts. Or sometimes I fill in those parts in someone else 's story :)

I'm Unreasonably PISSED

And grew slightly depressed earlier about Math.. I really dont see any point in pressing on with school! I get burdened by crap I will Never use again, Crap without any significance in life or my future carreer path. Crap that I will be able to look up or code my way around if ever necesary! So what am I losing my time on!
The fact of the mather is that even if I would pass this first year, I will need to pass those courses on a higher level next year, burdening and deemed important by other people!
If my toughts continue on this path, I might quit school even on the unlikely event of me passing this year!

Yees.. And so my plan to study & sleep goes to shite!

After the lovely & interesting Pitta meal I got home, did some whatever & when I was about to shut 'em all down I heard a telltale knock on the window..
Dirkie had entered the building
And so, X hours later I am finally able to shutdown!

Ah & I talked to Tomas & we agreed to go to the Jh Weekend together on Saturday EARLY morning!

Studied some
wasted some time (a lot)

Discovered Expedition Robinson is starting again on Monday
YAY :D
Gonna tape it & watch it after my exam the next day

I saw some cool Giger art yesterday, wich required you to put your eyes off focus to see a 3d image.. And I was actually able to see the image wich quite astounded me.. Not because one needs a special viewing technique but because of my eyes.. Been thinking about it ever since, I really want to see more of those now that I know how to "see" them!

Started a new long term room project today.. Drew eyes & a nose on an a4 & put it on the wall.. Next I'll be adding the body & so on .. but only shards.. Difficult to explain in writing, expecially since I dont know what parts I'll draw & what parts I wont.. Probably gonna be a girl, Sitting, probably hands on her knees, .. So I'll probably draw the knees with the hands on.. I'll see :D

Study some more & Sleeeepy time!

Hehe, too evil!
John got himself a Deviant art acount :D
Yay

Look forward to seeing his devs!!

Today numerous things happened
My sleep got messed up :/ slept from 2.30 till 5.30 & was Clear Awake (utterly discusting) then read till 6, slept 6 till 7 - or at least tried to sleep :/ Went downstairs for chatter & TV in between 7 & 8, then slept till 11 :/ Painfull

Did my exam.. Wich is all I'll say about it.. I dont dare say more!

Pool time @ Johns place.. ParTay :) With a lil terrace afterwards (Calisto)

Then the drive home..
On the way I understood why I drive so agressively with this car..
First of all, I dont like driving it, I cant cruze in it, its made for speed :/ So I want to get at my destination ASAP
Second is that I use that style to keep my guard.. So that I dont dull my reflexes.. Wich happens really fast. Its actually not the reflexes, its my eyes.. I go off focus due to disintrest :/ Its scary so I need to stay awake.. & driving keeps me on guard
Another thing is I like speed, being snowboarder.. Luckely I dont drive like I snowboard! Its my biggest fear each time I get back.. If I drive like I snowboard.. THAT would be agressive driving, reaally! Edgy!

Food was ok when I got home
& now I feel like SLEEPING

Might read @ my book first.. Finish it actually
So YAY, SeeYa

I Finally discovered why in my Big Ass playlist Moby was still able to drive me MAAAAD! I had 18 two times! I lovingly solved that problem :) The next problem ofcourse was what genre to put it on my ipod with.. So I teamed it with Lamb under Ambient.. I'm sure that is NOT what moby (or lamb) are as genre, but suits my needs.. (if anyone can tell me.. & Faithless too)

Tomorow Exam - Bweurgh! gonna sign of here to study some & sleep some
Then get Rein & Then pass that SonOvaBitch Exam - AARGHL

Fruit finally has her 20g iPod :) Yay
she was kinda freakin on it to get it right tough :/

Mine is at 1444 songs, good for 6.42G + about 15G of data.. I'm so glad mine is 40G :D
I'm also getting an iTrip so I can play it to my radio!! :) (really gettin set up - Yeah)

Really REALLY thinking bout washing my dreadz! Maybe tomorow before fetching Rein (She ll probably apreciate it - Hehe)

Still reading "Knight of the Black Rose" & still one bundle o hormones :/ Exam Stress :D hehe

Yahoo :D
More BIG SCREEN MANGA comming up :D YaY :D Finally! And one of them will be a Ghost in the Shell sequel, wich is extremely good news Altough I'm curious how it will be since we ve all seen manga that doesnt quite stick and .. the story seems quite wierd.. Anypoop.. I'm looking forward to it :D
Whooow!! Checked IMDB and the Official page and it looks Yummy :D Starring Batou, Aramaki, .. (no kusanagi tough :( since she .. kinda .. married .. in the first movie) section 9 :D yay! And the story looks promessing also! (I read the manga..) The first covers the last part of the manga & this one seems to cover a very interesting killer sex bot thingy in the first part of the manga (if i'm remembering well.. Its been a while.. Ghost in the Shell was the first manga I ever bought, when I was 16 - 6 years ago, so..)
I'm Positively Looking Forward to it :D And the sites are worth checking for the eye candy alone :D

I rediscovered Xara.. check my Dev Art acc (journal & scraps).. Its great..

Aargghl! Firefox is getting on my nerves! It doesnt handle focus shifts very well! It might sound wierd, but it doesnt - aarghl! DEVIOUSLY ANNOYING! Really TOO much! I'll have to find a solution to this, but on the other hand, other things need remedied too, so it 'll just all get fixed when I upgrade to the other box standing near me.. after my exams

And now is Sleepy Time