And so I had a difficult moment just now..

the whole leaving home thing flashing trough my head..
But after a difficult 10 minutes of rethinking the reasons and above all the concequences, now would indeed not be the time to do that..
And again the bitter knowlege that if my dad were still alive it would be possible - and probably better!


But now .. Its all about money and correctness..


Anywho, I'm happy that I was able to bite down the whole malaise, go to my mom and say the words needed for her to feel happy for the night.
And while thinking over that whole deal I had some rich & interesting insights about my mom and the leaving home situation.


Funny I get all this motivation over me again right now :)
just when I had a chat with Vi where I told her that leaving home would be nice but isnt something I'll do right away.. Because of the reasons I had to call to mind only half an hour ago to remind me why I put up with shit like that and dont solve those worries simply by leaving home and thereby getting relief on the part that only worries me and the part that affects both me & my mom.. The last mentioned relief would in part solve certain worries for her too! I think.. But in another way, I dont think solving those would be worth it for her.


.. Being cryptic .. is sometimes needed .. but not fun ..

This did professionally screw up my evening. I should simply go to bed!
AND it only aggrevated my other worries!


..
and yet the solution would be So simple
and worth the effort
..
but not worth of all the concequences :(
..

and so once again I decide on an impasse
where nothing changing appears to be the best solution


..
Maybe we should just cancel our regular phone in total!
I'll think about that..
Its a pitty it aint that simple a thing to do!
But doable.. Maybe..
..
Hmm..
Yes, It might be for the best
..

...
Another reason to leave! :/
pf!


It was fine just untill I stopped hearing Vi's voice :)
I tought about calling her again, but instead I'm here, blogging
I'll see her tomorrow :) About wich I'm once again terribly happy!
I really love her :) *smiles*